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Why God… Why?


Life is sometimes playful and sometimes it is also unfair. Have you ever been to a point that everything in your life is going according to your plans and then all of a sudden something will come along the way and ruins everything? Have you ever felt so miserable that no matter how much you try to lift yourself up, something else will pull you down? Yes, life is indeed very tricky and worst there are questions in life that no matter how much we search for answers, we simply can’t find one.
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You are probably aware of the tragic fate of the Go brothers. It was really heartbreaking that the last and the youngest of the three siblings, who was also diagnosed with the same disease, died at a very young age. Hisham Go was only 27! Imagine how much things he could have done and achieved if only cancer is out of the picture? He was working on a financial firm and I bet he could have had a better life while supporting his mother who raised them all single-handedly.

Prior to what happened to Moi, his eldest brother Rowden died in Stage IV liver cancer. He passed away just 10 hours after he made vows with his fiancé. A year after, the second Go brother Hasset was diagnosed with the same type of cancer. He was a successful chef and started to make his own name in the industry. They tried to prevent the cancer from growing by undergoing a series of surgery and even alternative medication but none of the treatments saved him. Both Rowden and Hasset died at the age of 29.
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For many of us, there is no other word to describe their fate other than a curse but if there is one person who suffers the most, it’s their mom. I cannot imagine the pain of seeing your children being taken away from you one after another. I just can’t find a reason why these horrible things should happen. I hope I can just tell that their tragic fate raises awareness about liver cancer so people can prevent it but no! Hasset, for an instance, tried all the medications and treatment needed but still suffered the same fate with his brother.

I personally have many questions in life and I am still seeking for answers. I was diagnosed with diabetes (not as fatal as the Go brothers) but I had to bear with this illness forever! I wish there is a cure but there is no such thing yet. Considering that I am the breadwinner of my family, it was really painful for me to accept the fact that I have to suffer with it at such young age. I hope it’s just a mind over matter thing but sometimes no matter how positive I am mentally and spiritually, my physical body speaks differently.

My faith is sometimes shaking. I lose hope and there are times that I just want to give up. My mind is not as strong as I want it to be. My depression is killing me slowly and sometimes I get these insane suicidal thoughts but there’s a part of me who keep on fighting and encouraging me to keep going. I always thought of sleeping and not waking up the next day because I always imagine it as the painless and peaceful way to die. While some people are fighting for their lives, here I am thinking on how to waste it.

I remember confessing something to a priest about a problem I had that I simply can’t solve alone. I tried everything to wipe it out of my brain yet still keeps on haunting me. That priest gave me a piece of advice which didn’t really answer my question but it gave me a gentle reminder on how exactly we should response if life is getting too playful and tricky for us. According to him, God knows all our pain and suffering. He knows our frustrations, our fear and all our struggles in life. No one understands us the most other than Him and if life for you is being tricky and if you have many unanswered questions, it has never been wrong to ask God why. He has a purpose for our pain and a reason for our struggle. Sometimes, all it takes is perseverance.

Like what the bible say “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” What happened to the Go brothers is not a misery, a tragedy or a curse. It is actually a lesson to inspire us all.
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When Moi was asked about his relationship with God, he responded with glee stating “Okay na ko. Everyday I feel that God is getting closer and closer. And I rejoice. Kahit God allowed my family to go through this, He has given us life. There’s always something to rejoice for. I rejoice. Syempre I can’t show I’m rejoicing now. Sorry bro, I already lost my wit, it’s just too painful. But in my heart I rejoice.
You see, with all the suffering and pain, he accepted his journey wholeheartedly by rejoicing the life that God has given him. We should all possess this kind of attitude or what Moi referred as the “Moimentality

We are just human after all and there are so many things in life that we cannot understand. Even Job from the bible questioned God on why He is letting people to live in misery and why not give light to those in grief? With all these “why’s” that we have, do we really need a valid explanation?

If we understand the reason behind our pain and struggles, will it make our pain easier? God doesn’t really owe us any explanation on anything but He wants us to trust him. Someday, everything will make a perfect sense. The pain and struggle we are experiencing today is nothing to be compared than the joy that is coming!
What happened to Go brothers cannot be undone but what we can do now is to offer our prayers and support to Ms Lorelei Go. Let’s pray that God will give her more strength to overcome this challenge.

Images taken from Hisham Go’s FB page

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12 Comments

  1. I am really sorry to hear about your diagnostic and the way you are feeling. All I can say to you is try to be strong! Depression is a hard diseases to fight and never be afraid to ask for help in defeating it. Nobody should be living with depression, nobody should feel those unbearable feelings. So please, if you feel depressed do ask for help. Even just speaking with someone, with a counselor, is going to make you feel better and take you back on the right track. There are many things to enjoy in life and you are young! Diabetes is not a life sentence, is an illness you can live with and keep under control by following a healthy lifestyle. You will be ok, believe you will be ok! I have a “spot” on my kidney that the doctors can’t figure out what it is. But I don’t let it get my down. It was really hard at the beginning but because of my friend’s encouragements I slowly started to feel better and now I almost forgot about it. I am waiting for my CT exam but I don’t think about it. Because if I do, I would live in a nightmare. If you need someone to talk to, you can always talk to me! Be strong, ok? And make those suicidal thoughts go away!

  2. Our prayers and support to Ms Lorelei Go. I remember the flick Saving Private Ryan. His brothers all died in the war and it was such a hard duty to tell the mother of her sons’ fate. It was such an emotional scene that i wish not to happen to me and to any parent.

  3. I heard about the tradegy of the Go Brothers.. its really very painful esp.for their mom. I dont know why of all people why sa knila pa diba? And all of them three suffered the same. Then i suddenly remembered a dear friend who passed away 4months ago due to acite leukemia and i asked too, why of all people sya pa? She’s too young and was such a good soul. But you know God has the perfect reasons why. As for u my brother, just keep the faith and never let go..anchor your strenght upon Him and um pretty sure everything will be alright..

  4. Awww, diabetes. I have mixed emotions about diabetes. At some point, it is inspiring because of what Gary Valenciano has been doing and how he is with his careers and kinda sad because my mom has it. Although she’s good with it (maintains her sugar level in a fun way) but still, sometimes it sucks because she can’t enjoy the sugar that I do. I hate cancer because it took away some relatives that I know truly loved me and it’s a despicable disease that I wish is just gone, forever. I hope you’ll find the strength soon and keep up that adventurous side active as diabetes is a hurdle that God gave you to overcome. *HUGS*

  5. A beautiful blog. Very positive way of seeing the struggles on earth. Of course, we don’t understand the ways of God or the ways of life. Sometimes I believe that we are already living in hell here on earth. To grow, to suffer and to learn. With moments of happiness. With chances of being a better person. But most of all, to try to help each other in their struggles. And be that little bit of light, be that little bit of God to them. GIVE 🙂

  6. Their story really melted my heart. As a new mom, I can’t bear the pain of losing a son. What more with all three. I pray for their mommy to give her the strength to live on.

  7. When I first heard their story I was speechless. And I totally agree with you about their mother, I could only imagine how she is feeling all this time. Asking God why, is something that us, humans, cannot prevent at times. Especially when things turn upside down. Yet in every hardship, there’s the opportunity to turn to God and trust Him because He would never give us such if we cannot handle it. I, myself is battling depression. Though I’m smiling on the outside, I’m empty inside. But I am slowly learning to trust the process.

  8. Diabetes can be managed.
    Just follow the following steps;
    1. Consult your doctor regularly.
    2. Exercise to the point of perspiration.
    3. Do Pranayam. It helps in managing stress.
    4. And remember, diabetes can be managed provided you have a balanced diet.

  9. I love what you said that we just really have to trust God. And that someday everything will make perfect sense. I don’t have a serious illness. However, I’m going through a painful heartbreak now. I still can’t believe he was able to do it to me but I look forward to the day that everything will be all right.

  10. My sympathies go to the Go brothers’ mom and other loved ones. I agree. It must have killed her soul to watch her children suffer then finally succumb to death.

    I pray for your health too. I hope you can find the peace and strength within you that will always motivate you to get up and rejoice in the life that you have!

  11. That is one heartbreaking story! I am a mother also and I have 3 sons. I don’t think I would have the strength to go through that. I will include their mom in my prayers. We cannot fathom God’s thoughts because He is God. But we can trust Him that He doesn’t waste our tears.

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